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Christina’s Days 65, 66, 67 & 68

Cherish your children, Establish Family Traditions, Honor the Sabbath and Live in Peace – now that is a group of deep subjects for today’s posting!  All of these center in getting your family life together.  With my family spread out all over the United States, some of these topics are tough but we make a go at it!

Cherish Your Children:

I can say I have never thought of my children as burdens in my life.  Mariah is now 20 years old and Tucker is 16 years old. I love being a mom and from the day they were born I wanted to do anything and everything with them. Watching them grow learn new and enjoy new experiences were my favorite things to do.  I took them everywhere I was going.  I took the time to always interact with them whether we were in different rooms and I hollered out “Hey Guess What,…  I Love You” to have them roll their eyes and say “I love you too” but there was always a smile.  I DO CHERISH MY CHILDREN

Establish Family Traditions:

Family traditions are things I did not have a lot of in my life growing up.  I saw kids that had families and homes that would decorate for the holidays. always sit at the dinner table together and would have at least one annual vacation all together.  Not my family – we had things like of course Christmas day together, Thanksgiving dinner together and mom always made us Easter Baskets.  I wanted to do so much more for my family.  Some of the things I have tried have gone by the way side and some of the things we put together no one else was really into it but me – but we do have a few.  New Years Eve – that is a big one.  We stay home, play games, and do a puzzle – while Jodie goes out drinking.  We all get together for Fourth of July – the Chinese half of the family and us it is great times at the beach having volleyball tournaments and stuff we eat and laugh!  Meals are served in a traditional pairing – Roast Rice and Gravy, Mom’s Spaghetti and of course Ground Beef Garlic Patties with Sauteed Onions and Mashed Potatoes.  This is an area where I should look at my family time a little deeper and see where we are missing the great times together.

Honor the Sabbath:

Taking time to honor the Sabbath is not something that I have ever done successfully.  My life is built around work – business work, house work, mommy work, wife work – when can you possibly take time OFF?  I get so much fulfillment from my work and doing it that NOT doing it leaves me very empty.  I do not have the life support in my inner circle to fill me with actions, words, compassion that my work does.  To sit back idle leaves me very alone and not something that I can do well.  I like to have plans, I like to have things going on and what I like most is to have someone to share those things with – to love me, to verbally share that love with me and to have compassion, appreciation and love for ALL I do so that becomes their focus while I focus on the rest.  I am lost right now because I have taken on a serious aspect of the Wife Work, and another level of weight was added to my shoulders but I am even more alone now.  I can honestly say that Jesus I need your help honoring the Sabbath and knowing more of what is expected of me that day.  ALSO – I need help to have that someone in my life that wants to be my everything and will fill the voids left when I slow down to be the woman you want me to be…

Live in Peace:

When this section talks about living in peace with my ex, that is a given and has been done.  The areas where “exs” have come into play in bad ways were the new wife and the ex wife – those were challenges and after jumping in with both feet and repaying evil with evil we stepped back and jumped back out.

This is an area where I struggle with my husband – he gets in a bad mood, he does not follow through on his promises, he does not say things I need to hear purposely then I get upset – he is doing evil things to me AND intentionally doing them – though he argues not.  But if you are not saying something that someone has asked to hear from you and you do it purposely then you are intentionally hurting that person.  I don’t get why the evil actions or the evilness of the non actions is so much more important to him and to hold on to – that spreading harmony and love, meeting your partners needs is not top priority for him.  Maybe he is afraid to be a nice guy, a good husband, the loving person I know he is – maybe he is scared it will hurt his “manhood” but who are you being a man for, your wife our yourself?  When it consistently shows that none of these things are happening on a regular basis  THEN I get upset and bring it all up (repaying his evil with my evil checklist) and it even goes down from there.  I focus on what I was told was a need to make him happy, I am being consistent with it and I feel even more alone now – I slip and show anger and then the finger comes out and he points at me SEE WHAT YOU DO THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T GET IT – then explain to me why I have not gotten any of it in two weeks and I am only getting mad now? I jump through hoops for him when he needs things because he knows I hate to not take care of people – BUT there is not a return, I am told WAIT it is coming.  But I wait and nothing, then when I bring it up here we go again.  I cannot be the only one to hear, listen and take immediate action, I am exhausted, empty, alone and broken. Jesus stand with me I will be stronger and not repay evil with evil and Lord I will give it to you, just hold me tight because I really feel like I am at the end of what I can do to make this better…  HELP.

Dear Lord I Pray…


Dear Jesus – I sit her crying as I write out these posts, my heart is so empty and void of the nurture and compassion I need here in my earthly relationship.  My relationship with you continues to flourish and build stronger, but you did say that you put two together to complete each other and I have this HUGE missing section.  Please help me to have that filled – I am looking down the barrel of emptiness and don’t know how long I can survive – I cling tighter to your hand and to your word and pray that I will be filled with the strength you provide to do the things I need to do.  Show me all I need to know – turn the light a little brighter on the path I should be taking, make things happen around me so that I am secure in the path I am to follow…  My eyes are open wide today Jesus and I promise to be watching and listening…  In Your Name Abba Father, AMEN.